on my birthday i broke things off with keefer completely. i had started seeing someone i worked with. he was 37. i dont know why i did it. i thought it was a good idea at the time. he was older, seemed more mature. he treated me well. i was finally getting the attention i wanted. i was happy. things seemed great. after awhile things got real. sped up way too fast. my lease was up in may and i was freaking out about it. i didnt know what i was going to do. joe had moved into an apartment in the complex he suggested i check out to move into. idk why but a month later we thought it was a good idea to move me in. i was thinking of the money. i was slowly getting unhappier. we went to sedona for memorial day. he proposed within 30 minutes of being there. i froze up and choked. said yes because i had no idea what to do and it just came out. i didnt want to have an awkward vacation.... wasnt one of the best decisions ive made. i was regretting it more and more with every passing minute but i didnt know what to do. a few weeks went by and i wanted out so bad. all i did was argue with him. i didnt want to be there. he booked a trip to disneyland. i wanted to go there so bad. so i went with him, but it felt like i was there alone. it was better that way. i did end up spending some time alone anyways. when we got back i couldnt take it anymore. it got so bad i argued with him every chance i got. then i decided to finally leave him. i moved home and havent been happier. it was the best decision i made to leave him.
keefer and i started talking again once i moved home. i saw him a few days after... it was the best thing to see him again. i thought he had changed for the better. i thought he was finally going to be the guy i wanted him to be. he was sweet and loving. then he left for a week to texas. he text me and called me while he was gone. it was great. then he came back and things werent that great anymore. him and i dated again for a month. it didnt end well. i didnt deal with it the way i should have. i was a little crazy. i didnt like that i was that way.
now that everything crazy has settled down, life is going okay. im starting over. starting fresh. i got a raise last week at work. i am very excited about that. i will be making more money so i will be able to move out again in a few months and i will be able to get something better than i had. in the past week or two ive spent way too much money. im trying to revamp and update my style. i bought new make up. it makes me feel beautiful. i bought two new dresses from ross. they are super cute. i bought new shoes. way cute heels. im thinking about me now. im living for me. i totally bought a ps3 today too. pretty awesome. ive been a little lonely lately, but one day im sure i'll be able to find a guy who makes me happy and feel amazing. one day....
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